Everyday sacrifice B.C.– Get up, dress, make gruel for family. Grab a lamb and turtle dove, walk to the temple. Sacrifice the lamb for having relations with your husband last week and the turtle dove for starting your period this morning. Earn money by taking in laundry and selling vegetables to pay for next week’s lamb and turtle dove sacrifices.
I couldn’t live like that! While raising my kids, life was crazy enough feeding the family three times a day, doing laundry, cajoling homework, and wrestling bills. Add schlepping small livestock to town to atone for my daily living and I would have ended up a mad, beggar woman with a brood hiding under my cloak. Sex with my husband and menstruation aren’t even sins, but according to the Bible, that was life before Christ. No thank you! That’s not living. God knew that, hence, John 3:16:)
Everyday sacrifice A.D.– Give it up to Jesus when you wake, pray throughout the day for guidance and strength, trust and have courage to follow Him. And…when you are earnestly waiting for God’s answer about a desperately needed job and ending your financial stresses, you once again sacrifice & just do the laundry. Read the entries below (2/24/23 & 3/2/13) and this introduction will make sense–God’s sacrifice & my daily pitiful sacrifice of agreeing to His plan, even though it’s not what I like.
Red silk journal with embroidered scroll heart and key – gifted to me by Greg on Valentines, 2003
MyRedJournals continues with me writing in my second red journal amidst our 1+ year job search and three kids under the age of ten.
Thursday, February 20, 2003
Wholly dependent on You. Nothing more can be done. Continual, constant prayer. Seeking Your face. Listening desperately for Your voice. Anticipating. hanging with my toes on the edge of the line, waiting to exclaim, “All the glory to God! He did this wonderful miracle for me! Can’t you see, those of you who don’t believe, that only God could change the course and bring on such sunshowers!?! Believe, believe! Believe in Jesus! He died on the cross to take your sins & to give you a new life! This is my new life. Jesus loved me so much that He died for me & He showered me with overflowing fruit! He wants this for You, too! Just ask Him.”
We are on the verge with Perot Systems. It looks bleak. The other candidate has apparently been given an offer, but the race is still on. Darcy is doing reference checks; Greg lined that all up. According to Darcy it is close.
A praise! We prayed for Darcy’s mind to change to the positive for Greg & You did that! Thank You, thank You, praise You, Jesus for helping & nurturing. You change the impossible to possible.
Now, Satan’s final attempt. An attack of vertigo, swirling questions & doubts, apparent defeat & biases among Brian towards the other candidate. Cast out all evil, God! Remove the devil from our presence, Brian’s eyes & ears & the entire decision-making process. There is no place for evil here! Only You & peace & assuredness that what You have done before You will do again!
Another praise! I asked You to move like a freight train & You did. The interviews came fast & swift. They were so positive & God-driven. Thank You for You blessings. You are my God.
This evening Greg talked with Jay who said a decision has not been made yet. There are two votes for Greg & two votes for the other candidate and two undecided. The decision should be Friday or Monday. You hear our prayers don’t You, God. My King is Lord of all–even hiring decisions.
We are asking all to pray for us. Greg asked Nan & Pap to pray, too; a big step. Thank You.
Friday, January 21, 2003
Zechariah 4:6-7 “Then he said, ‘This is God’s message to Zerubbabel: ‘Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord Almighty–you will succeed because of my Spirit, though you are few & weak.’ Therefore, no mountain, however high, can stand before Zerubbabel! For it will flatten out before him! And Zerubbabel will finish building this Temple with mighty shouts of thanksgiving for God’s mercy, declaring that all was done by grace alone.”
Today I will call Mom & ask her to pray for us. Please be with me & Mom. Give her ears to hear and a heart to accept.
We pray again & continually for Your intervention in the meeting at Perot. Don’t let evil in; let truth prevail & goodness in to what Greg can do at Perot, through You, be apparent. Cast ALL doubt about Greg’s abilities.
“Anything is possible; in Him all things are possible. You can have whatever you say; don’t give up ’cause it’s never too late. Cast your fears away.” Song by Anointed based on scripture.
Jehovah, King, Friend, the Great I Am, Lord, Jesus.
Monday, February 24, 2003
Wonderful counselor. It always seems necessary to thank You for saving me. So long ago You made the decision to die for me. You saved me from my sins & weaknesses, knowing that You’d love me completely, even though I wouldn’t be worthy of Your immense sacrifice. I ponder this often. I do a self check–do I believe? Could You possibly have allowed such humiliation & agonizing pain for Jodie? You could have left me to this world & our/my feeble attempt at gaining Your glory. All day long I could bring sacrifices for this and that. A lamb for this sin, a ram for that sin. Burning and slaughtering day in and day out. You could have left my soul to wander along without Your Holy Spirit–oh, how would I exist? You could have closed off Heaven upon my death…(breathe), but You did not.
What would be required to prove to me You exist? A glorious, colorful, magical, supernatural poof of proof would have convinced me with starry eyes. Right here in my living room.
But, a baby. Sinless. Leaving behind His Word and teachings and overriding love. Connecting a moment of His long ago with every moment of mine now, so that I may be comforted. Blood. Broken bones. Wine & bread taken at communion. A small symbol and reminder of Your sacrifice for my pitiful soul.
Thank You that I matter.
Bring Your Holy Spirit to me.
I could not sleep tonight! Excitement! Exhilaration! What can I do to prepare! Party preparations?
I am looking forward to the upcoming Bible study “The Heart of an Artist.” You really know my heart and yearnings. I have been needing a direction for my study. Thank You.
Today we start our Family Prayer Journal. I pray that we pray and express love for one another in those pages & grow closer to You.
Once again, I pray for Your intervention, guidance & Spirit with ‘the decision meeting’ at Perot. No evil present. All thoughts towards Greg fulfilling the position of Worldwide Sales Leader/Vice President of Sales. And as Cody asked of You last night, please provide another job for the other candidate.
In the end…Your will be done ‘on earth as it is in Heaven.’ Courage, please.
In Your Holy name, Jesus.
Tuesday, February 25, 2003
I believe You are answering prayers. Liza and I prayed & discussed Liza needing a best friend; one who is mature, possibly older than she. This morning she is playing with some girls at the apartments in the 4th & 5th grades. Thank You for this possibility.
I will sing Your praises! I pray for our Home Group meeting this Friday with the missions. Prepare our hearts (mine especially) for what we will hear.
Please help me to spread Your Good News to someone who needs to hear it.
Thursday, February 27, 2003
Shall I repeat again all that I keep saying. Sometimes my emotions feels as frozen as the ice outside. Flowers ache to bloom from below the frigid surface. Break the glass. Let all excitement & celebrations loose and wild. Let the invitations be mailed. It’s a party in Your honor!…as soon as we get the job.
That is not to be confused that we haven’t publicly celebrated Your gifts thus far and have said openly that we know You will provide. Please know my heart.
I want to dance! For You! Don’t hold me back anymore!
Do I sound like a whiney child. Should I cease with this incessant yammer of help, help, help?!
Take the focus off of me, us & our situation. Let me move on! Who can I help?
Give me a smile today please. Let me pass it on.
Jesus, You are incredible to go through such trials & never sin. Thank You for suffering to show me how to live.
Your eyes in mine.
Your hands control mine.
Your thoughts direct mine.
Your feet guide mine.
All through You.
Friday, February 28, 2003
In 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, Paul writes about ‘running the race with focus.’ Should I be reminded of my prize in this race? The prize is not a job, a house, an end…it is my eternal home, it is the victory of salvation of others who observe my faith in trials & it is to hear You say, “Well done good & faithful servant.”
Oh that I may truly feel that in my heart. To long for eternity and to be rid of the world of suffering.
But, leave me me here to do Your work.
I am faithful. I am frozen, but faithful. I pray for overwhelming energy. I am tired of waiting for the phone to ring! We just received a wrong number, but just the sound of the ring and the possible ‘answer’ on the other end made my soul leap.
An end, an end! O hear our prayers. Hear the prayers of all those praying for us. Thank You for all those who are praying for us. How can all of their cries for us be wrong? What says Your will?
I pray for dancing & cheers & exhalation! My soul wants to perform for You. My expressive dance of yearning, of thankfulness and of faith is over. The next act entitled, “Jubilation,’ is anxious to set stage. Please bring the lights up…start the music…let me fly!
Sunday, March 2, 2003
A phone all yesterday.
No parties, just laundry.