Job searching..and searching

Rehearsal dinner, 1988

Rehearsal dinner, 1988

Before kids it was us.  We were married in ’88 as my uncle Dalton sang “The Lord’s Prayer” as only he could do with his deep, rich, resonating voice and my cousin Sharla lovingly sang Amy Grant’s “Thy Word.”  These songs set us on a path of living out the lyrics~25 years later we still hold the lamp unto our feet and the light unto His path.  These journalings illustrate the struggle to stay there.
 
Our family~~Liza, Cody & Lena , 1996

Our family~~Liza, Cody & Lena , 1996

This is our little family before we were, as we like to call it, ‘middle class missionaries.’   The girls, Lena & Liza-14 months apart, were born in Connecticut and after we moved to Texas for Greg’s job with EDS, Cody was born.   We began attending church regularly when Cody was still in a baby carrier.  We knew we needed to go to church for the kids, but God got ahold of Greg and I like a shot and we were quickly knee-deep in love with our Lord and His people.
 
Blue Mountain, Ontario, Canada, 2001

Blue Mountain, Ontario, Canada, 2001

Greg is the avid skier in this bunch; he’s a yankee boy, so he should be, right?  We ‘born and bred’ Texans take a little longer to get used to slats underfoot, therefore, the rest of us just have fun on the greens.

It wasn’t long after this ski trip that EDS, despite Greg increasing the organization’s sales by 200%, laid him off (new boss wanted all his old cronies; so out with the old and in with the new–common story).  We had half a year of school left and turned down other EDS offers to move to Japan or Tennessee and sat on our bed praying and committed our lives and this unknown journey completely to God.  We knew there would be no half-ways to go about it.
God allowed the kids to complete their school year in Canada and we moved in July to….we didn’t know where.  My family is from Austin and we lived in Frisco previously near our church we loved so much.   We packed and prayed without knowing our destination.  I told the movers that I would let them know where to stop the truck.  
As of these entries, we are living in Frisco in a month-to-month apartment with a few job prospects.  Kids are attending a different school than they were at when we lived here before; now in 2nd, 4th & 6th grades.
You should know that my husband is a punster and keeps me laughing no matter what’s going on.  And I always say that my son was put on this earth to make me laugh because he can out-do his dad and the original punster, Pap, Greg’s father, with side-splitting results.  I too can sling wit with the best of them and my girls can sure come up with some zingers.  All this to say, although the journal has much longing and searching and occasional gnashing of teeth, we lived, loved and laughed through it all. 
Easter egg decorating in Canada

Easter egg decorating in Canada

 
 
Monday, August 12, 2002

I yearn to be so close to You.  Lord; teach me how to listen to You.  Teach me to use this journal to speak intimately with You without constantly thinking about how someone might read it one day.  Teach me to listen to You, to others.  You have taught me so much so far.  Thank You for bringing me this close.

I’m reading a part of The Secret of the Vine today and a woman in there says about You, “We keep each other constant company all day.”  Thank You, Lord, for Your Holy Spirit around me all day that I can say a little something anytime, anywhere.

From Secrets of the Vine, “Nothing pleases God more than when we ask for what He wants to give.  When we spend time with Him and allow His priorities, passions and purposes to motivate us, we will ask for the things that are closest to His heart.”  Lord, I pray to You that I will continue to keep Your plans for me first, constantly checking that I am following Your guidance and plan.

Tuesday, August 13, 2002

Lord, I need your comfort and Holy Spirit today.  Through scripture and a wonderful email from Nan about a great prayer, I feel You speaking to my heart to be more loving like You, more hospitable and neighborly.  I pray that You help me with names and to have a more loving heart for others.  Thank You for Your unending love for me.

Wednesday, August 14, 2002

God, the Father, God, the Holy Spirit, God, the Son, I need you today.  This day will not start and cannot take a step without You.

Thank You for the encouraging message by the CEO.  I asked yesterday for just that and You have been there every day.  I read and skimmed the book of Job yesterday and You told him how powerful You are.

Lord, I have the mind of a simpleton.  Repetition is always necessary for me.  Please forgive my child-like thoughts when I frequently go through an ongoing, awe-struck process.  I continue to first, act as if it is the first time I’ve heard of You dying on the cross, each time I hear or read about it.  Then, I study Your amazing story all over again.  I always question the story and can’t believe something so long ago could have happened.  And, I wonder if I had been there, or if it were to happen today, would I believe.  Then, I bow my head and say, “Of course; He did this for me” and my child-like faith once again brings me to You.  Thank You for not making me Paul.  I wonder if I could sustain and survive in prison.  Or Job, please do not test me and my family.  And yet, I want so much to be so close to You.  To walk daily with my Friend and Counselor.

Oh, Lord, walk with me today.  Give me what You will, because only You know what I need.

Jesus, keep me from temptation.  The prayer of Jabez includes, “Keep me from .”  Therefore, here are the four temptations that I pray you keep me from day by day, moment by moment:  1) tempted to complain, 2) tempted to have negative thoughts, 3) tempted to get angry and lash out, and 4) tempted to yell or lash out at my kids.

You have helped me so much with the last two over the past three years, but I still need Your hand in daily temptations.

Thursday, August 15, 2002

Lord,

It is obvious after Greg’s phone call with Perot yesterday morning that our miracle will not be answered, at least not for now.  Perot will have meetings mid-Sept and then, I’m sure, it will be a couple more months for hires.  Lord, why do our children have to go through changing schools again?  What are we teaching them?  Why put them through this again and again?  It breaks my heart!  And yet, they are still upbeat.  Oh, Lord, please make their time at the schools here brief!  Answer our prayers and transfer the kids quick and lessen their pain!  Please, settle this family!  Haven’t we learned what You want during this journey?!  Can’t we settle and now get down to the business of serving You?  I know we’re serving now in some way and I know that we’ll never stop learning, but to serve and learn from this questionable state is long, frustrating and difficult!  And yet, it’s an honor to be put through this journey with the sole purpose to be closer with You.

Teach me what You will.  Use my talents that You blessed me with as You will.  Advance Your Kingdom through me.  I give all I have to You, Lord.  My daily commitment to You.

Lord, this morning you led me to Genesis 32:24-32.  Jacob wrestled with the angel of God, who broke him and then blessed him.   I see.  It is first necessary to break me so that I can see Your face before You bless me.  Break me, Lord!  Let’s endure the pain!  I want to see, I want to hear!  I want Your blessings!

Friday, August 16, 2002

Encouragement, blessings…ANSWERS!  We don’t understand why we were given everything in Canada—Greg’s leadership position, kids in a great Christian school, my numerous dance teaching opportunities and a big house — and then it was quickly taken away!  Eighteen months from start to finish!   Did we not treat it right?  Did I complain even through that?  Did we not share enough?  Or was it there briefly to have us realize how much we want that all now, that we’ll work for it!  But, we did work for everything up there?!  Lord, help us to understand this!  Kids start school Monday where we don’t want them, we’re in this apartment, Greg’s leads are good, sour, back when this started in December we started living day-to-day having no calendar to fill.  Yes, we’ve enjoyed many things through all this—our time together, learning to live day-by-day, having opportunities to do other things and most of all reaching to be closer to You!  Friend!  The Great I Am!  I am weak!  I’m throwing my head back and yelling HELP!  The End!  Let’s Go!  I need You.

Sunday, August 18, 2002

Be with me.  I know no more to say.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s