Oh, yippee..long-suffering …but God…

IMG_0017As I type in my old journal entries below, even I am saying, “Geez! Get on with it already! We got it! They don’t have a job. Haven’t had it for over a year. Three kids in a tiny apartment. Life is hard. Wah, wah. Go on!” If this were a screenplay, I would chop out fifty pages of excruciatingly boring pleadings and cut to the ‘We got the job celebration scene.’ Well actually, before that, I might throw in a scene of me hurling a glass vase across the room, crashing it into a mirror to showcase my had-it-up-to-here moment. Then I would push the story along and keep my audience’s attention and fast forward about five years.

But that’s not real life with or without God. Real life without God in this 10+ years, no-job journey involves fear, worry, doubt, anxiousness, and anger at some point along the way–we can’t help it, we’re human.

Real life with God, honestly involves all those insecure emotions too. But God. God brings HOPE and assuredness. He takes a hopeless situation that we make worse by worrying and heeding false advice, and provides peace and a future.

“Mortals make elaborate plans, but God has the last word.” Proverbs 16:1

“Joseph answered, “Not I, but God, God will set Pharaoh’s mind at ease.” Genesis 41:16

But God reassured him, ‘Easy now. Don’t panic. You won’t die.” Judges 6:23

“Bad guys have it in for the good guys, obsessed with doing them in. But God isn’t losing any sleep; to Him they’re a joke with no punch line.” Psalm 37:12-13

“Make your motions and cast your votes, but God has the final say.” Proverbs 16:33

“You killed the author of life, but God raised him from the dead. We are witnesses of this.” Acts 3:15

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26

But God will never forget the needy; the hope of the afflicted will never perish.” Psalm 9:18

On our own, we would have most likely found a job, earned some money, and muscled our way through our dire situation (albeit we wouldn’t be where we are now with our many bestowed blessing). But with God we carried peace, experienced joy, nestled in the Comforter’s embrace, and grew closer to the Creator of our futures.

Wednesday, April 2, 2003

Dear Lord~

The anxieties in my heart: 1) wanting to live in Austin with my family & the beautiful landscape; 2) my kids’ negative attitudes towards each other; 3)my weariness with this journey; 4) Greg’s & my outlook towards the discovery of this divine vision seem far apart, but so close at the same time right now.

Everything I’m grateful for: 1) all the amazing things going on in our world now. I can see past the war & the extreme, unfortunate sufferings. You are bringing peace You are lifting up & preparing Christians for Your cause. You are highlighting the immorality in business & leisure. Could Greg’s abilities & insights about integrity in business be primed & ready? You are returning our country to a simpler, other-focused time. 2) You protected Jill this past Sunday! Thank You for holding her close. 3) My job at LCA & how well the play is progressing. You really guide my every action when I’m doing these plays! I feel so close to You. 4) My Hip Hop group at church. They keep coming back & we’re having fun & they’re getting better.

Lord, if Austin is where You want us, please provide an opportunity to move there when school gets out for the summer.

Lastly, I pray for a good time & good weather for Alyson’s visit this weekend. I pray that she will be willing to attend service this Sunday.

I have been tired & angry. Thank You for waiting on me. Lead me, guide me, pour peace over me. Pour peace over our troops, the British forces, our leaders & our enemies & the people of Iraq. Your grace prevail over all gunfire, religious beliefs & stubbornness. Peace & Your face be seen by the POWs.

My heart is filled.

Amen

Tuesday, April 8, 2003

Dear Jesus~

Today I am excited to be here now having this time with You. My attitude lately has been shameful, bratty & unhealthy. I ask Your forgiveness & grace to pour over me & make me new. Take this over year-long journey & make me new. Cast the devil away. Don’t let evil penetrate my thoughts, tongue & actions. Teach me, love me, pull me close. Pour out over my husband. Give him peace & rebuke evil around him. Well within my children. Give them air beneath their wings that they may soar above all pain & angst.

Please be with me now as I go to Your Word. Lead & teach me.

After reading Revelations 21-22, I know that it is with You that I am to look toward for answers; not the world. How comforting it is for me to know that You will have this wonderful place for me. You conquered death for me & prepared Heaven for & my family. I am not afraid of this world; it has attempted to sting; evil has had its chance & failed! Ha! I walk by faith & not by sight.

“But you, man of God, flee from all this & pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance & gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.” 1 Timothy 6:11-12

Lord, I pray for Jason Eaton who is faithfully serving in the US Army in the Iraq war. I have committed through the Presidential Prayer Team to pray for Jason’s safety during this time. Lord, please protect, guide & minister to Jason. Give him comfort during such scary times. Also please be with his family, giving them peace & faces turned towards You & Your Word; assurance in Your plan.

Amen

Thursday, April 10, 2003

Dear Jesus~

You have renewed my spirit! I feel so light. I see purpose–purpose in waiting. As our family had our Bible study last night (a silly one; all in a giddy mood) I read from Philippians 4:10-20. In it, of course was ‘I can do all things through Jesus Christ which strengthens me’ (v13). You first led me to that verse in 1985 when I was in the Miss Austin Aqua Festival Pageant. I can remember being backstage, about to go on & those words popping into my head. Thank You. What a Comforter you are.

We are successful today!

Amen

Monday, April 14, 2003

Thank You for today. Fill my heart with gladness. Fill my mind with Your wisdom and knowledge. And hold my tongue, only letting it loose for necessity & kindness.

I pray You take hold of our children. No more arguing, attitude & ugly demeanor. Change their hearts. Change our tactics. Lead us to a place where our positive inner light can shine!

Amen

Tuesday, April 15, 2003

Dear Jesus~

Lord, just as You give me a complete vision of a dance production or play choreography and set, etc, please give me the complete, unquestionable vision for our family’s life after this journey. Will we live in Austin? Where are Your answers for us?

In Nehemiah’s time & Joshua’s time, You put all circumstances in place for Your ultimate plan to come to fruition. Just as with what is going on now with our nation, President Bush, Iraq & the fall of Hussein. Your divine plan is the reason why the people of Iraq are liberated. Praise You, Jesus, for saving the Iraqis.

How are my circumstances lining up with Your divine plan? We are trying to raise our children in Your eyes for a divine future; we are living and abiding our marriage according to Your guidance; we are trying to travel this journey as testaments of Your grace & our faith in You. The final piece of the puzzle is Greg’s career & my career & how the two separately can work to minister & testify for You. We pray for the answer to this final puzzling question.

I know You are at work in the hearts of my family. Please let us be a daily, living testimony of Your love & grace. How will You place us in Austin if Greg is going to get a job offer with EDS here in Dallas? My heart, Lord, hurts. Heal me.

“Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature & complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, & it will be given to him.” James 1:4-5

“Blessed is the man who preservers under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.” James 1:12

Lord, thank You for letting me store treasure in Heaven. I pray for wisdom in these circumstances., dear Lord of the Highest, my Comforter.

I am Your servant. Send me.

Amen

 

THE BIRTHDAY TRAIL — a family tradition

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My cousin, Paula, made & put this sign at the end of the driveway for Lena to drive through on her 17th birthday–the whole family pitches in to get Birthday Trails done!

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Liza at the end of her 8th Birthday Trail in Canada, 2000–hence the parka:)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Apartment living with kids stinks.  Crowded, temporary-limbo-land living.  Our no-job, no-paycheck journey hit the one year mark as of these journal entries below.  And like old fish, the five of us living together in a little apartment with our most promising job prospect dashed, the whole situation just stunk.

I realize that our test of faith at this time wasn’t drastic or dire.  No one was ill, injured, or imprisoned–praise God.  But for a mom with three elementary-aged kids, providing basic school supplies and clothes, along with dance lessons and some kind of birthday & holiday celebrations was an ongoing mental battle that required much prayer journaling over heaping cups of coffee.

To look back on my journals I am reminded of the day-to-day struggles, as you’ll read below.  Thank You Jesus for pulling me through everyday & for letting me vent and rant.  But when my husband and I or my now college-aged kids look back on our year in the apartment without a job, we only remember the good times.

Like the game Greg and Cody played incessantly in the apartment–Greg throwing a palm-sized nerf football from the master bedroom to Cody on the living room couch, most with splayed-out diving catches.  Or our ‘cartoon Christmas’ as I call it.  Our big faux Christmas tree and decorations were in permanent storage and we didn’t have a fireplace.  A friend lent us a tiny fake tree that we placed in the corner of the living room.  We made preschool classic paper chain garland and sugar cookies to adorn the tree and used found fabric for a skirt.  I taped shiny wrapping paper on the wall next to the tree for a fireplace and cut out logs and fire from construction paper.  We push-pinned Dollar Store stockings onto the ‘mantle’ and called her done.  Santa now had a place to visit–whew!

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Our favorite memories while living in the apartment are 1)  bringing our little malte-poo puppy, Lucy, home for the first time while living in the apartment–she now snores to my left under our shared blanket as I blog to you this morning.  Lucy is so adorable, cunning and human-like that she requires her own blog, books, and game app–coming to a store/smart phone near you in the near future–she says in jest with a hint of seriousness.  And 2) Birthday Trails.

Let me explain the Birthday Trail.  I came up with the Birthday Trail concept when Lena was three.  I needed a way to celebrate her birthday in the morning before Greg went to work and give her something to keep her busy and feeling birthday-girl special throughout the day before we had the big celebration that night and/or later that weekend with family.  On her third birthday Lena woke up in her long, pink ballerina nightgown to a paper plate on the floor outside her bedroom door with a note that read: “HAPPY BIRTHDAY LENA!!  FOLLOW THE ARROWS.  She peered down the hall and saw four more paper plates, each with an arrow pointing forward.  Lena tip-toed onto each plate with excited curiosity in her eye.  She followed a trail of arrow-scribbled paper plates through several rooms in the house, climbing over the kitchen counter and under the coffee table (with help, of course).  At the end of the trail was a present–a toy of some sort.  And thus the Birthday Trails became an annual event for each child until they turned 18–yep, three trails a year times 18 (minus 2 since I started when Lena was three) and I conjured and created 52 birthday trails from 1993-2013!!

Through the years, I’ve had to get darn creative–the simple paper plate arrows weren’t clever enough as the kids grew so the trail turned into a trail/treasure hunt with elaborate riddles.  When you do so many trails and are coordinating parties and presents on a strict budget, you use what you have on hand.  Let’s see, I’ve used a bevy of Barbies perched in peculiar places; we’ve created an indoor putting range trail while living in Canada, with the most ingenious hole going from the second floor into a plastic cup on the first floor (Cody got a hole too!); we’ve turned our entire living room in Lucas into Fenway Park, complete with the green monster (we used painter’s tape on the floor & up the walls to define the space, pinned green fabric to the wall & taped several yellow wiffle bats end to end for Penske’s pole)–Cody flipped baseball cards and played wiffleball in the house to earn his way around the bases and receive his gift.

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In 2002, we had just moved into the apartment the week of Lena’s birthday, so we tore up pieces of the moving boxes, wrote on ’em, tucked them all over the place and hid her new boom box in a maze of brown moving boxes.   On Cody’s 18th, the last birthday trail in our Lucas home, the girls helped me to put together a shooting range with a nerf gun for Cody.

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The other pictures are a few more examples of the craziness we create for early a.m. we-love-you wake up calls.  Feel free to copy the Birthday Trail Wilk phenomenon.  My sister called me one year and said, ‘Thanks a lot!  Now I have to stay up all hours making birthday trails for my 3 kids!”  And my kids, nieces and nephews wouldn’t have had it any other way.  I do believe my niece, Sara, who just had the first baby of their generation this year, will be continuing the Birthday Trail with little Wade.

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Wade, the newest member to our extended family; son of my niece, Sara. He says, “I can’t wait for my next 18 birthday trails!”

 

My Red Journal continues…

Monday, March 3, 2003

Dear God~

Pour into me.  Overflow. Take over. Now!  There is nothing left!  You want all of me, You’ve got me!  But I’m angry.  I had it out yesterday.  Cry & scream in the car.  A song on the radio saying, “This is God…I see your attitude, it’s all about love…all I need is a change in you.”  I don’t get it?!  What more do You want?  I know we’re suppose to become like Jesus, but You made me human!  With faults!  I’ve improved!  I’m asking for more!  I’m dying daily & even moment to moment to put You before me!

This is as far as I can go!!!

You know my heart.  I walked on a ledge for You!  I did not sign up to be a missionary!  What is so wrong to want & need security, plans, excitement, a house with a little land!  I am not Job!  Stop having Your game with the devil and testing my faith!  You do not treat someone You love like this!

Enough!

I refuse to give up on Greg & his abilities and possibilities.  You made him a leader.  You’ve prepped him amazingly.  He could do so much for people & business & YOU!  He wants to work for You!  The marketplace is his mission field.

And me!  Why did You send me to LCA if we’re not to be here.  I’m working for nothing AGAIN!  We desperately need the money!  We look like fools.  We have chosen to do this for You so that we could let our faith in Your plan show us & our family that You are the answer!

Yes, yes, yes!  My faith is strong!  The devil has not advanced his piece on the board off  ‘start’ at all.

I also refuse to give up on Your plan for me, Greg & the kids.

If You didn’t let Perot happen, WOW, it will her immeasurable!  But when?  In one month, this journey will be one year without a paycheck.

Lessons I ‘ve learned:

1-It’s all about love

2-Only You can provide peace, sanity, stability (& You can take it away)

3-Patience & ultimately being frozen with few smiles is a process and product

4-I’m scared to death of rock climbing, but I’ve been doing it without the safety gear since we left Texas in 2000; my hands are bleeding & the top keeps getting higher (isn’t it within reach?!)

5-I love You!  No matter what I do.  Childlike faith & childlike tantrums as You watch me grow up.  You have a smile now, don’t You?  You’re pleased with me.  I’m fighting a good fight.

Oh, let me win today…in-my-face, obvious direction Lord.  Please.

Amen

*I am directed to the book of James–trials, taming the tongue, don’t boast about tomorrow.  Okay.

“Out of the mouth come praise & cursing.  My brothers, this should not be.”  James 3:10

My sword to fight temptation.  I’m so sorry for my flagrant mouth.  I pray for Your forgiveness.  At temptation, be with me to make the choice of reciting James 3:10 to keep from evil.

Thank You for Your Words.

Wednesday, March 5, 2003

“‘Then you will call upon me & come & pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me & find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you,” declares the Lord.  ‘And will bring you back from captivity.  I will gather you from the nations & places where I have banished you,’ declares the Lord, ‘and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.'”  Jeremiah 29:12-14

In Chip Ingram’s book, “Holy Ambition” he asks, “Have you repented of your consumer mindset?”  No, I haven’t.  It’s very difficult to not want the things of this world that would be comfortable for me & my family.  Especially, since I’ve been out of my comfort zone for so long–shouldn’t there be some kind of earthly reward?

The book also says to ask You for a ‘dislocated hart,’ a heart that years for Your desires for this world; to have the pain in my heart for others & to let You use me for Your plan.

My heart has ached, to an extent, for all that is going on in our world.  I wept uncontrollably for our country & the misguided terrorists on 9/11.  I knew the second the second plane hit the second tower that all would be changing forever.  Our great nation did not deserve such destruction & all the lives & affected families should not have died physically & emotionally.  But our country has sinned for too long.  The airwaves are demoralized more & more.  We need God more than ever.  You are not PC or allowed through separation of church and state, but You must be in.

I seems that with so many good people right now unemployed, without homes, but looking to You for help that we Christians are being prepared.  We’re being trained to take our country back.  We’ve let the unchurched tell us how & when things will be, but You have said ‘no more.’

Dislocate my heart to yearn for Your plan.  I am so tired of whining about me.  Take my heart & mind away from what I know You are preparing already & point them toward Your goals.

A praise.  Nan, Pap & Alyson all prayed for Greg & the opportunity at Perot.  You are awesome.  Please water those mustard seeds.  Bring them whole-heartedly back to You.

In Your Holy Name & seeking Your plan, Amen.

Friday, March 7, 2003

Dear Jesus~

Radical faith.  Am I there?  Have I truly given all to follow You?  Sometimes I don’t know.  I think that my ideas of security with a  home, etc. are keeping me from You.  Help me to give that up.  I’m trying to design Your plan.  Help me to let go & completely trust You.  “Trusting & believing God is the number one priority of God’s agenda for my life.” (“Holy Ambition”)

Trash everything else.  Just follow and trust.

Teach me not to question.  Jump off.  So what, we’re where we’re at.  So what we don’t know of tomorrow.  I’m excited of Your plan.  God I pray for a vision of Your plan.  I pray to be patient to hear from You.  Amen.

 

 

Laundry–Sorting Sacrifices

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Everyday sacrifice B.C.– Get up, dress, make gruel for family.  Grab a lamb and turtle dove, walk to the temple.  Sacrifice the lamb for having relations with your husband last week and the turtle dove for starting your period this morning.  Earn money by taking in laundry and selling vegetables to pay for next week’s lamb and turtle dove sacrifices.

I couldn’t live like that!  While raising my kids, life was crazy enough feeding the family three times a day, doing laundry, cajoling homework, and wrestling bills.  Add schlepping small livestock to town to atone for my daily living and I would have ended up a mad, beggar woman with a brood hiding under my cloak.  Sex with my husband and menstruation aren’t even sins, but according to the Bible, that was life before Christ.  No thank you!  That’s not living.  God knew that, hence, John 3:16:)

Everyday sacrifice A.D.– Give it up to Jesus when you wake, pray throughout the day for guidance and strength, trust and have courage to follow Him.  And…when you are earnestly waiting for God’s answer about a desperately needed job and ending your financial stresses, you once again sacrifice & just do the laundry.  Read the entries below (2/24/23 & 3/2/13) and this introduction will make sense–God’s sacrifice & my daily pitiful sacrifice of agreeing to His plan, even though it’s not what I like.

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Red silk journal with embroidered scroll heart and key – gifted to me by Greg on Valentines, 2003

MyRedJournals continues with me writing in my second red journal amidst our 1+ year job search and three kids under the age of ten.

Thursday, February 20, 2003

The continuation.

Wholly dependent on You.  Nothing more can be done.  Continual, constant prayer.  Seeking Your face.  Listening desperately for Your voice.  Anticipating.  hanging with my toes on the edge of the line, waiting to exclaim, “All the glory to God!  He did this wonderful miracle for me!  Can’t you see, those of you who don’t believe, that only God could change the course and bring on such sunshowers!?!  Believe, believe!  Believe in Jesus!  He died on the cross to take your sins & to give you a new life!  This is my new life.  Jesus loved me so much that He died for me & He showered me with overflowing fruit!  He wants this for You, too!  Just ask Him.”

We are on the verge with Perot Systems.  It looks bleak.  The other candidate has apparently been given an offer, but the race is still on.  Darcy is doing reference checks; Greg lined that all up.  According to Darcy it is close.

A praise!  We prayed for Darcy’s mind to change to the positive for Greg & You did that!  Thank You, thank You, praise You, Jesus for helping & nurturing.  You change the impossible to possible.

Now, Satan’s final attempt.  An attack of vertigo, swirling questions & doubts, apparent defeat & biases among Brian towards the other candidate.  Cast out all evil, God!  Remove the devil from our presence, Brian’s eyes & ears & the entire decision-making process.  There is no place for evil here!  Only You & peace & assuredness that what You have done before You will do again!

Another praise!  I asked You to move like a freight train & You did.  The interviews came fast & swift.  They were so positive & God-driven.  Thank You for You blessings.  You are my God.

This evening Greg talked with Jay who said a decision has not been made yet.  There are two votes for Greg & two votes for the other candidate and two undecided.  The decision should be Friday or Monday.  You hear our prayers don’t You, God.  My King is Lord of all–even hiring decisions.

We are asking all to pray for us.  Greg asked Nan & Pap to pray, too; a big step.  Thank You.

Amen

Friday, January 21, 2003

Zechariah 4:6-7  “Then he said, ‘This is God’s message to Zerubbabel: ‘Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord Almighty–you will succeed because of my Spirit, though you are few & weak.’  Therefore, no mountain, however high, can stand before Zerubbabel!  For it will flatten out before him!  And Zerubbabel will finish building this Temple with mighty shouts of thanksgiving for God’s mercy, declaring that all was done by grace alone.”

Today I will call Mom & ask her to pray for us.  Please be with me & Mom.  Give her ears to hear and a heart to accept.

We pray again & continually for Your intervention in the meeting at Perot.  Don’t let evil in; let truth prevail & goodness in to what Greg can do at Perot, through You, be apparent.  Cast ALL doubt about Greg’s abilities.

“Anything is possible; in Him all things are possible.  You can have whatever you say; don’t give up ’cause it’s never too late.  Cast your fears away.”  Song by Anointed based on scripture.

Jehovah, King, Friend, the Great I Am, Lord, Jesus.

Amen

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Monday, February 24, 2003

Dear Jesus~

Wonderful counselor.  It always seems necessary to thank You for saving me.  So long ago You made the decision to die for me.  You saved me from my sins & weaknesses, knowing that You’d love me completely, even though I wouldn’t be worthy of Your immense sacrifice.  I ponder this often.  I do a self check–do I believe?  Could You possibly have allowed such humiliation & agonizing pain for Jodie?  You could have left me to this world & our/my feeble attempt at gaining Your glory.  All day long I could bring sacrifices for this and that.  A lamb for this sin, a ram for that sin.  Burning and slaughtering day in and day out.  You could have left my soul to wander along without Your Holy Spirit–oh, how would I exist?  You could have closed off Heaven upon my death…(breathe), but You did not.

What would be required to prove to me You exist?  A glorious, colorful, magical, supernatural poof of proof would have convinced me with starry eyes.  Right here in my living room.

But, a baby.  Sinless.  Leaving behind His Word and teachings and overriding love.  Connecting a moment of His long ago with every moment of mine now, so that I may be comforted.  Blood.  Broken bones.  Wine & bread taken at communion.  A small symbol and reminder of Your sacrifice for my pitiful soul.

Thank You.

Thank You that I matter.

Bring Your Holy Spirit to me.

I could not sleep tonight!  Excitement!  Exhilaration!  What can I do to prepare!  Party preparations?

I am looking forward to the upcoming Bible study “The Heart of an Artist.”  You really know my heart and yearnings.  I have been needing a direction for my study.  Thank You.

Today we start our Family Prayer Journal.  I pray that we pray and express love for one another in those pages & grow closer to You.

Once again, I pray for Your intervention, guidance & Spirit with ‘the decision meeting’ at Perot.  No evil present.  All thoughts towards Greg fulfilling the position of Worldwide Sales Leader/Vice President of Sales.  And as Cody asked of You last night, please provide another job for the other candidate.

In the end…Your will be done ‘on earth as it is in Heaven.’  Courage, please.

In Your Holy name, Jesus.

Tuesday, February 25, 2003

Dear God~

I believe You are answering prayers.  Liza and I prayed & discussed Liza needing a best friend; one who is mature, possibly older than she.  This morning she is playing with some girls at the apartments in the 4th & 5th grades.  Thank You for this possibility.

I will sing Your praises! I pray for our Home Group meeting this Friday with the missions.  Prepare our hearts (mine especially) for what we will hear.

Please help me to spread Your Good News to someone who needs to hear it.

Amen

Thursday, February 27, 2003

Dear Lord~

Shall I repeat again all that I keep saying.  Sometimes my emotions feels as frozen as the ice outside.  Flowers ache to bloom from below the frigid surface.  Break the glass.  Let all excitement & celebrations loose and wild.  Let the invitations be mailed.  It’s a party in Your honor!…as soon as we get the job.

That is not to be confused that we haven’t publicly celebrated Your gifts thus far and have said openly that we know You will provide.  Please know my heart.

I want to dance!  For You!  Don’t hold me back anymore!

Do I sound like a whiney child.  Should I cease with this incessant yammer of help, help, help?!

Take the focus off of me, us & our situation.  Let me move on!  Who can I help?

Give me a smile today please.  Let me pass it on.

Jesus, You are incredible to go through such trials & never sin.  Thank You for suffering to show me how to live.

Your eyes in mine.

Your hands control mine.

Your thoughts direct mine.

Your feet guide mine.

All through You.

Amen

Friday, February 28, 2003

Dear God~

In 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, Paul writes about ‘running the race with focus.’  Should I be reminded of my prize in this race?  The prize is not a job, a house, an end…it is my eternal home, it is the victory of salvation of others who observe my faith in trials & it is to hear You say, “Well done good & faithful servant.”

Oh that I may truly feel that in my heart.  To long for eternity and to be rid of the world of suffering.

But, leave me me here to do Your work.

I am faithful.  I am frozen, but faithful.  I pray for overwhelming energy.  I am tired of waiting for the phone to ring!  We just received a wrong number, but just the sound of the ring and the possible ‘answer’ on the other end made my soul leap.

An end, an end!  O hear our prayers.  Hear the prayers of all those praying for us.  Thank You for all those who are praying for us.  How can all of their cries for us be wrong?  What says Your will?

I pray for dancing & cheers & exhalation!  My soul wants to perform for You.  My expressive dance of yearning, of thankfulness and of faith is over.  The next act entitled, “Jubilation,’ is anxious to set stage.  Please bring the lights up…start the music…let me fly!

Amen

Sunday, March 2, 2003

A phone all yesterday.

No parties, just laundry.

Thanks.