If I were to write the concluding scene depicting my husband being awarded a job, us moving into a house and all that comes with it, it would be dramatic, have sweeping images underlined by grand music, and would bring an audience to tears and amazement. So many times throughout our 3 years of unemployment, I wrote scenarios in my head of how Greg would get a job after a promising interview. I imagined the looks on all our faces, the jumping up and down of celebrations, and the heavy sighs of relief. Then I would quickly make a mental list of all the details that would need to get done–find/buy a house, make arrangements to get stuff out of storage, notify the apartment complex, transfer phone, electric & utilities. I would even try to figure out how to help the kids adjust to the changes, keeping their schoolwork, dance and karate going without a hitch. I could doing all that in a quick five minutes of daydreaming after Greg called to say his interview went great.
DO NOT PONTIFICATE. That was a big lesson for me. God taught me that we could not pontificate what He would do. It’s easy to say that God’s plans are always better than our own, but living it day to day is way different. Especially since God gave me this mind that likes to daydream, organize and loves surprises. If I were God, I would present long-awaited answers in a big red box with a silk white ribbon; everyone would stand at the gift with hopeful, relieved eyes, inhaling with anticipation, much as a woman does when presented with a Tiffany teal box. There would be a flash mob of impromptu music and dancing, kids being lifted on shoulders, giddiness, praising, and fireworks. I had that mental party many, many times.
But God taught Greg and I that He wants everything from us, even our rambling thoughts. He wants our all of our energies to go to Him, not trying to figure out what we can not figure out. Pontificating goes both ways, too. We can not try to figure out how good things will happen, nor can we contemplate all the negatives. We can not think about where our next meal will come from, how we will pay for the rent in six months, or what if one of us comes down with an illness without insurance. Those thoughts are not of God. God does not instill worry or fear.
Now, of course, we must be wise and plan. Through daily prayer and study we ask for God’s guidance and He gives it. And the knowing that you have that a thought is God’s will, and not just a pontification, is very clear. And if it’s not, pray for confirmation. If you get confirmation that you should do something, then, by golly, you’d better do it.
Life is easier without pontificating. Like the birds and flowers, we don’t worry about the necessities of life. We stick close to God, ask for direction and have courage to follow through with it.
I do dream, however, which is waaaayyyy different than pontificating. God gives me my dreams–I imagine He puts them in big red boxes with white satin ribbons. And we act on the dreams together; step by step, verse by verse, prayer by prayer with no uncertainties and a blanket of excited peace.
October 29, 2002
With renewed strength, provided continually by You, I look towards today with great anticipation. Thank You for the help I’m getting with props for the musical. Daryla & Becky are great helping out. I pray for them both. Please bless their talents You gave them to be used for Your glory & to ignite them inside to in turn do more for You.
Thank You for all of the teacher conferences we’ve had. I bust with pride how all of their teachers boast how wonderful they are. It is only through You that they continue to thrive during all of this unknown.
November 4, 2002
Good morning! Dear Lord, so may times I could have written incredible scenarios of answers to a job & our future with amazing miracles that would make fabulous stories & testimonies. Now, after many things not working out, my mind is blank & I believe You want it that way. You want me to let You do the work. You have broken this horse & I am submitting. Whatever Your plans & whenever You enact them (of course, I know it’s in process already) I know it’s the right thing for me, our family & those Christians & non-Christians who are watching.
Thank You for our safe trip to & from Austin. Thank You for the girls working & learning so hard at the Tremaine dance convention this weekend. Thank You for the door being opened by Greg to grow the relationship with Jill. Thank You for finding the karate school for Cody. He loves it & it’s just what he needs. You are incredible.
Wednesday, November 6, 2002
Jesus, Holy Spirit, You have lifted my spirit & fed my soul. I praise You for Your provision in so many ways. Thank You for the money we put in the bank; overpaid taxes, expense check & EDS paying for our storage through December!
Lord & I pray for Ron Smit & his wife. Ron has been out of work as long as we have & now his wife just got laid off. Please comfort them & help them on their journey with You. Please put them in the minds of others so that they will find work. Lord, please continue to bless Mimi, John & the kids. I pray that their talents & passion for You will be used for Your glory & their fulfillment. I also pray for Wesley as he is making decisions for his future. Please send him people who will lead him to You & prepare a fruitful future. Thank You now for what You are doing & will do throughout our church & country with the 40 days campaign. I pray for memorization of Bible verses, the play, my choreography & Lara’s.
Thank You for the sun today. The continual rain was adding to any morsel of depression. It’s off to make props for a show about You!
Thursday, November 7, 2002
Dear Lord, You have given a realization to me today. All of these trials & this journey is not for the reward of a job, house & the end & even to be closer to You. I am to go through this to receive Your rewards in heaven, living eternally with You! It’s so simple, but difficult for my human heart to absorb. My pink and beating heart is full for You. I suffer here to be closer now & in Your arms forever.
Lord, through this journey with You, I pray that I am changing as You want me to change, I am enduring as You want me to endure & I am learning as You want me to learn.
Monday, November 4, 2002
Right now, I feel much too busy & preoccupied to pray. Busyness for the play, necessities at home are taking me in all directions. Please calm my ancie needs. I can’t accomplish any of the many things today without You! I could run around like a chicken with my head cut off or I could breathe, talk with You & calmly let US handle the day.
Thank You for the woman at Hancock Fabrics for giving us the 40% discount on fabrics. You arranged it all!
Lord, I pray that the joy I’m having in helping with the play & in serving You is being perceived as such. I want to keep my focus on You & others.
Thank You so much for all of my friends at church; May You give me more opportunities to help them.
Lord, please be with Liza today. She’s feeling a little under the weather. Please lift her up to You, taking aches from her back & throat. And lift her spirits from the monotony she feels with our current surroundings.
In Your powerful name I pray.